New year, new attitude. I've begun with a freshly repainted blog design. I liked my old design, but it seemed to have a chip on its shoulder. Maybe it was the "edgy" font? Black and white layout? I was having a lot of feelings for a while and wanted the face of my blog to show that, I guess. I've worked out a lot of the more morose feelings and don't feel the need to express myself with a severe blog-face. Who does that anyway?! (Me.)
I like what I've done! I've redone our story, added "media" and "charity" tabs, and hope that people enjoy coming here more. I hope it feels more interactive (that's a nice internet word, isn't it?). And of course, I went with some red, white, and blue. Even though we're leaving the active duty military life behind us, we will always be proud of what Aaron did for our country. I know I will be. We can't change our story and roots in the military, so might as well embrace it!
I'm feeling pretty hopeful for this year (caution: this is huge for me. I've damn near had "Hope Kills" tattooed on my body) and am welcoming the attitude change. I don't think I was wrong to give in to those darker feelings because hell, some days have been really rough! All the steps backwards, the infections, the surgeries, moving out- I never expected to do so much and be so responsible before becoming a mother. But I'm over it. I want to invite success and positivity into my life. I want bright pictures on my walls, a funny welcome mat, and some damn sunshine. So even on those rough days, at least I'll have happy things to look at. Fake it til you make it, right?
I just really want to change everything so that I can move on. The way I see it, whatever I've been doing has gotten me to this point. Great, we made it! 15 months post-blast and we're intact, our marriage is thriving, and we're even living outside of the hospital. Wow, that's a lot! I managed to take a few college courses, too. And not totally fail everything. I wish I had done better, but at least I tried, right? I need to do more than try, though. I need to actually get my shit together, be smart, meet my potential on its (hers?) terms, and own it. I'm over myself this year. I'm over being upset that the start I'm on is better matched for a 20-year-old, not a 30-year-old (at least I still look 20). So yeah! Happy blog design! No more being sad and angry and filled with crazy anxiety!
I am five feet of fight. That's all I know. Let's turn this fight around, repurpose it into drive. Life shouldn't be a fight all the time. More than sometimes, people don't have a choice. I feel that I'm at a point where I do... so... here I go....